This was sent to our email (email@example.com) last January 2 by former segment producer Ms. Karen Velarde.
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(Pasakalye) I am not fond of expressing (slash exposing) myself to the public. My posts are mostly limited to food, friends, food, food, … happy things! One night my friends from TAG Bowe Cabaluna and Chloe Garcera-Ben encouraged me to write for the Buhay Media page. This one I write from the bottom of my black, sappy heart.
It has been a year since I submitted my second resignation letter. Yes, second because the first time I did I didn’t have enough courage to actually go through with it. Quoting the letter, “I regret leaving not just colleagues but friends and mentors in this show that have become so much a part of my life. The people that I have had the honor to work with, and now consider as family, have been one of my motivations to stay.”
Ang buhay media kasi, mahirap na masaya. I won’t go into the details of its pains. Assuming that you are or were a talent, alam niyo na ‘yan. Sobrang hirap. Pero dumadali at sumasaya dahil sa mga taong kasama mo. Times of uncertainty and adversity (which we deal with almost on a daily basis) bring out the best and the worst in people. It is inevitable that you come to accept and see people that you work with as family.
I cannot see your plight and remain unmoved. Personal ito sa akin kasi naging talent ako. For the longest time I wanted to fight for what most of you are fighting for now. Whether you are signing off, have decided to stay for whatever greater reasons or priorities you may have, or are still on the fence… gusto ko lang sabihin na, I feel you!
It is a hard decision to make. Life-changing at that. Paradoxically, the stress, the pressure, the hellhole, whatever you may call it, has become your comfort zone. And of course, there is the looming fear of the unknown.
Leaving does require a certain amount of courage and readiness (emotionally, financially, psychologically – oo, nakakabaliw itong isipin!). To some extent a certain lifestyle change is in order. Tipid-tipid muna, raket-raket ‘pag may time. You try to limit or ‘unsubscribe’ to the things that will make the process of letting go harder. You have to actively help yourself, period. Kailangan handa ka kasi anuman ang maging desisyon mo, kailangan mong panindigan.
There will be low points and you will feel like wavering. You just have to constantly remind yourself of why you’ve made that decision in the first place. Puwedeng para sa integrity ng trabaho, para sa pagbabago ng sistema, para sa tama, o para sa sarili mo naman—lahat valid. Then you will find that fight in you to go on with your decision, kahit mahirap.
Puwera bilangan ng number of years, at blood, sweat and tears shed for the job, lahat naman tayo may pagmamahal sa trabahong ito. At parang love sa tao, feeling mo sumuko ka na dahil umaayaw ka na. You can’t help but feel defeated, kasi usually palaban tayong taga-media e. But as one of my new officemates whom I have come to respect puts it, “Hindi naman ibig sabihin no’n sumuko ka na. In fact it takes a special kind of person to endure all that.” Kayo ‘yon, mga talent. You are that rare breed of people who have endured so much. Letting go of something you love doing, going out of your comfort zone, sacrificing God-knows-what for a greater cause, only reflects what other things you can do beyond ‘this’. Whether you stay in media or decide to pursue a new career, there is life outside.
It will be a humbling experience. In fact a year after resignation, I am still unsure of what lies ahead. It is a continuing process of learning, unlearning, and relearning. I miss my Imbestigador family, my MD family, and other people I have come to work with. I miss producing. Hindi madali. Your battle in court will be long and tedious, but the silent struggles within yourselves will be harder.
At the end of 2014 I was asked if I regret leaving and if it was worth it. Seven years does not leave one unchanged. Hindi basta-basta naipapagpag, it becomes part of you. I left knowing that it will eventually be worth it. That is reason enough not to regret the decision. Plus knowing that my mother probably sleeps better at night worrying less about about me makes it worth it. J
Para sa mga kaibigan kong matatapang, saludo ako sa inyo. Isang malaking huuuuuug!
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